The Journal of Sam Winchester

(not Sammy)


i'm looking down at myself
Sam Winchester psychic_wonder
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Room 320, Sunday Night
While Sam had to admit that he was happy to have gotten so many flowers (and was amazed by the skills of whoever had kept those orders out of his sight for so long), the full onslaught of Valentine's Day was taking its toll on him. As he'd looked forward months ago, he'd imagined this day to be a lot different, and the roller coaster of going from thinking Peter was dead to thinking he was alive to not knowing what state he was in was finally making him snap.

It was a completely stupid idea to call Peter's cell phone, but when he didn't get a "Disconnected" message and heard Peter's message instead, Sam stared at the phone for a moment and snapped it shut. He redialed, listened to Peter's voice, and then hung up again, and it wasn't until the third time that he finally left a message.

And here he'd thought he couldn't possibly feel any more pathetic today.

[Establishy! Or not, whee!]

Dean was having a lot of fun but amidst all the drinking and flirting and comforting single women he and Alec had been doing, he still found time to call a certain little brother.

Considering Sam was still holding his phone when it rang, he didn't think he could be blamed for jumping. "Hello?"

"Hey Sammy," Dean said, voice raised a little to be heard over the noise coming from the bar he was standing outside of. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Sam pulled the phone away from his ear a little, and broke into a soft smile. "Hey Dean. Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Where are you?"

"Outside some bar in some nowhere town in Washington," Dean said. "Dude, it's freaking amazing. All the unattached girls are just begging for attention. It's like Unattached Drifter Christmas!"

For all the drama and upheaval in Sam's life, it was nice to have one thing that never changed. "I take it Santa made sure you had some good presents?"

"Oh Santa's been very very good to us," Dean assured him. "I'll spare you the dirty details though. Suffice to say we're being nice by being naughty."

"Thank you for sparing the details," Sam said. "I don't need to know what kind of fun you're having."

"You can always come out with us next year if you want to see," Dean offered graciously.

"Somehow, I don't think you and I would get the same thing out of going out on a night like this," Sam pointed out.

"Well it would keep you from moping in your room all night," Dean said.

"I'm not moping," Sam said defensively, and too quickly. "I'm just thinking a little."

"Uh huh. In your room, all night." He was pretty sure about that -- he knew his brother.

"Well, where else would I be on a Sunday night?" Sam asked. "The school dance was last night."

"Did you go?"

"For a little while. I promised Claire I'd dance with her," Sam said. "You can't blame me for not being in the mood for a dance."

"No news on Peter?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Sam said quickly. "Not when you're having a good night."

Dean sighed, rolled his eyes and silently counted to ten. "Dude, how many times do I have to tell you that you can talk to me about anything any time? Stop with the thinking you're bothering me, okay?"

Sam sighed too, but relented a little. "Okay, fine. There's no news on Peter, because Isabel can't find him."

Dean frowned. "Maybe he's not sleeping? Or not sleeping when she's looking for him?"

"Or blocking her out," Sam said, going for the worse option, of course. "She's positive that he's still alive, but...he's out there all alone somewhere, and I don't know where."

"We'll find him, Sammy," Dean assured him. He paused. "Do you want Alec and me to head back, and see if we can't pick up a trail or something?"

"No, it's okay, really," Sam said, shaking his head even though Dean couldn't see it. "You guys have an important job to do and I'm not going to take away from that. I can search on my own."

That had Dean frowning again and shaking his head as he said, "I'm not sure I like the idea of you going off on your own for this."

"I'll be fine, I'm a big boy," Sam said with another sigh. 'If I find something, I guess I could let you know, and if you're not busy, maybe you can come help."

"Make that you definitely will let me know and we'll definitely come help," Dean corrected.

As much as Sam preferred seeing Dean in person, one nice thing about being on the telephone was that it made it easier to lie. "Fine, I'll definitely come to you guys for help," he said. "Can I mope until then?"

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