The Journal of Sam Winchester

(not Sammy)


i'm looking over my shoulder
Sam Winchester psychic_wonder
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Room 320, Friday, All Day
When Sam first arrived in Fandom, he didn't have much more to his name than a duffel bag full of clothes and weapons. Now, he couldn't even fit his whole closet into one bag, and as he put together yet another box to try to get all of his books packed up, he couldn't help but think about exactly how much his life changed in Fandom.


He and Dean had tried to keep a low profile at first, like always, even when Dawn made it clear that stories of monsters and demons wouldn't faze her. Their efforts barely lasted a month though before saving people and hunting things became a regular and ongoing part of being in Fandom. Sam hadn't minded once he knew that no one was going to call him and Dean freaks, and the first time that he and Dean had needed help, it had been surprisingly nice to not have to work on their own. Plus, in the early months, being known for helping people meant maybe not being known for being a eunuch, kissing guys under peer pressure, or being the hilarious love interest of someone's female alter-ego.

Between that and things like the common room television breaking and getting stuck on porn while Sam just happened to be in there (really!), it was a miracle that he ever started dating Buffy. One thing that managed to remain constant was how bad Sam was at relationships here: he'd fallen for Dawn while he was still dating Buffy, and he'd fallen for Peter while he was still dating Dawn. As tempted as he was to blame the island for that last part, he had to admit that he really, really didn't mind that he and Peter had ended up together, even considering how long it had taken them both to get a clue. Honestly, he wasn't all that worried about the cycle continuing - not even with Chuck. Sure, they were close now (though not as close as some people thought), and things like bonding over a common experience had made them not hate each other. But Sam was never really going to forget the times they'd seriously fought, and he and Peter had started off much, much better.

Once Sam got the box together, he started packing some more of his books up. He thought he was finally making some progress with his bookshelf, but pulling books out revealed folders of papers and small items he'd stashed behind everything and nearly forgotten about. The bookmark Giles had used to curse him was stuck to a gift certificate to...the old brothel? Maybe they'd gotten stuck together during the cleanup from that insane Seahorse reunion party Alec had insisted had to be thrown in his and Dawn's room. It was almost poetic that he was thinking of Alec as he pulled a small folder out of the bookshelf and found, of all things, the files he'd used to try to get Alec kicked out of school. That definitely hadn't been his finest moment, and the fact that no one held a grudge against him about that felt almost miraculous. Maybe he'd made up for his mistake. Or maybe people figured the school, the island, and fate had taken enough out on Sam in terms of embarrassment for karmic retribution to have been paid.

Removing the Alec folder revealed another folder, although Sam wasn't sure how it had ended up behind Alec's files since it turned out to be journal entries he'd been keeping on the island's invasions. The creatures that had stolen their voices, the trolls, the creeping shadows, those damn angels, the people from Nemesis Island. He even had notes on Hades in there, and some really shaky notes about the plague. He was almost surprised that he didn't find anything about the other version of Fandom in there, but the memories of what he'd been like and all the things he'd done were still fresh enough that he didn't need notes to remember them.

If he was more like his father (which he wasn't, thank you very much), he'd probably have a real journal, although as he continued to fill his box of books, Sam wondered how much of the journal would be things he'd hunted and people he'd helped, and how much would be times he'd needed to be rescued himself. Between Yellow Eyes and hunters who knew about him, Sam had needed to be saved a lot more than he wanted to admit. And maybe it was better that he didn't have records of that, or of all the people who'd been hurt because of him, or all the times he'd failed to be strong enough or fast enough to help.

Not that that was a concern anymore with his abilities, although the memory of why he'd looked into how to use his demon blood was fresh enough. It didn't matter that Peter had turned out to be all right - it was at least partly Sam's fault that Peter had died in the first place, and been stuck god only knows where while he'd been distracting himself and not actively looking for him every moment that he could. Maybe if he hadn't gotten involved in so much, he would have found Peter faster...

Sam's thoughts trailed off for so long that he finished packing the box he had, although he still had more books to put away. Being a nerd was going to kill him at this rate. Going into his closet for another box had Sam tripping over the spare set of girl's clothes he'd stashed on the floor, and he thought about how amazing it was that so many things he accepted as unavoidable parts of the Fandom experience were almost scary the first time around. The first time people had woken up as someone else, the first time the boys woke up as girls, or with PMS, the first time people turned into kids or had surprise kids of their own show up. Granted, the whole island didn't turn into a soap opera very often, and he'd only gotten randomly older once, but he wasn't going to tempt fate and say it could never happen again.

If Sam had to pick the one thing that had affected him the most though, it would have to be his family. To go from pretty much only having Dean to having a stepmother and a baby sister was still unreal, even after all this time. He might still be hunting, but their dad had changed with every family dinner and unexpected bonding activity they did, and Sam wouldn't give that up for anything (even if Dad being in Fandom meant sometimes having to clean up his mistakes and take part in awkward conversations that they never would have had otherwise). The fact that Zoe put up with him and all the crap that went with being a Winchester was nothing short of amazing. Sometimes, late at night, Sam thought about what might happen if Zoe got pregnant again, but he had a feeling he wasn't the only one, so he didn't feel so bad about it.

On one hand, Sam was really excited about going to college and getting to live with Peter. But on the other hand... would he really be able to have so much insanity and fun in the real world? And what if his destiny followed him? It was scary to be embarking on something totally new, to be leaving what was, really, his home. But after everything he'd been through here, it was possible he might be prepared. That is, if he ever finished packing.

[I HAVE DEFEATED THE INTERNET COCKBLOCK. \o/ Yes folks, the time has arrived. This is Sam's last non-alumni post in Fandom. *cries* Open for visits, phone calls, late pings, slowplay, and pretty much any other stipulation you can think of.]

To say Chuck hadn't been looking forward to this was an extreme understatement. He wasn't really good at this whole goodbye thing (which probably came as a surprise to no one), and this was one of the few times in his life where he actually cared that someone was leaving. He had the feeling he wasn't going to be able to play this one off stoically.

Chuck leaned against Sam's door frame and eyed all the stuff lying around. "My god, you have a lot of crap."

Sam glanced over at Chuck and smirked. "Some of it is actually crap, and I've got to get around to throwing it out. But my books are not crap, thank you very much." It was okay if Chuck wasn't stoic. Sam might not be either.

"Did I say anything about your geeky book collection? No, I did not," Chuck said. "You do have a lot of them, though."

"Yeah, my collection kind of grew once I realized I wouldn't have to cart them all over the place at a moment's notice," Sam said. "Peter promised to get me bookshelves, so I'm hoping he'll follow through."

"Yes, bookshelves are such an extravagance, I hope he can provide them," Chuck said. Look at him, being nice and not eye rolling.

"It's not a mansion. We only have so much space," Sam said, taking care of the eye rolling for both of them.

(no subject) - rocksthescarf, 2010-07-03 12:17 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-03 12:39 am (UTC)(Expand)
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(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-03 11:14 pm (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - rocksthescarf, 2010-07-03 11:34 pm (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-04 12:45 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - rocksthescarf, 2010-07-04 01:12 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-04 02:25 am (UTC)(Expand)
Andy wasn't going to let Sam leave without saying good bye. He even had a farwell gift. He knocked on the open door with the hand not holding the gift bag.

"Wow, looks like you had a mini tornado in here." He paused, then because this was Fandom, asked, "Did you?"

Sam laughed softly, and shook his head. "Nope, no tornado. Just a complicated packing process. How's it going?"

"Oh you know, same old, same old. I'd ask you the same thing, but... tornado."

"It's not as much chaos as it was a while ago. I should be all packed up tonight," Sam said. "I'm glad you came by, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"I didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye either," Andy said.

"So, what's that?" Sam asked, motioning to the bag.

(no subject) - noteviltwin, 2010-07-03 12:52 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-03 01:25 am (UTC)(Expand)
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(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-03 03:47 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - noteviltwin, 2010-07-03 05:24 pm (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-03 06:04 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Raven hadn't seen Sam much that summer, but she wasn't about to see him leave without saying goodbye. "This is one emotion I have not liked learning," she said from the doorway. "The sadness of a friend leaving."

[SP is very much looooove. :) ]

"I'd tell you that you get used to it after a while, but it's not that easy," Sam admitted, giving Raven a soft smile. "I'm glad you came by."

[Wheeeee SP!]

"Of course," Raven said, smiling back. "I would not let you leave without saying goodbye. But you will be back to visit often, will you not? Your family is still here."

Raven didn't know she'd been stuck in Dean's workshop yet. That horror would come later.

"Oh yeah, I'll be back a lot," Sam assured her. "I mean, Dean's sticking around for the rest of the summer, and even when he goes, I don't want to miss out on all of Grace growing up. And I've got way too many friends still here."

"But you are very excited to be able to be with Peter," Raven said. She could totally feel it. "Will you be continuing your education as well? What will you study?"

Sam grinned at the mention of Peter. "I'm really glad about getting to be with him, yeah. And yes, I'm going to college. I'm not sure what I'm going to study. Probably a little bit of everything, to start."

Is is good to take your time to discover where your interests are strongest," Raven said. "Where will you be going to college? Somewhere in New York? That is where Peter lives, is it not?"

(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-04 12:47 am (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - trigons_child, 2010-07-04 03:09 pm (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-04 08:21 pm (UTC)(Expand)
"Kiss kiss," Karla said, trying to smile and failing. This was the second goodbye of the day, with an unexpected third still waiting in her room. "I just wanted to make sure I had a chance to properly thank you for being my Elder Sib last year," she said, a little awkward.

"It was my pleasure," Sam said, setting the books in his hands aside so he could focus on Karla. "Not that I think you needed much help. You seem like you've adapted really well to Fandom."

"It's a nice respite from everything," Karla said honestly. "Like a vacation that happens to involve school." She looked down at her hands. "It was a really big adjustment, though, and just knowing there was someone around who could walk me through it helped."

"Well, I'm glad I could help. We didn't have big siblings when I got here, so Dean and I had to figure everything out on our own."

"Well, I'm sure you both didn't have much trouble settling in," Karla said, giving him a small smile. "You and your brother are kind of the definition of adaptable."

Sam smiled at that. "We did have each other, so that made it easier. And we were so excited about being here that even the weird stuff didn't bring us down. It's finally starting to sink in that I'm really going."

(no subject) - glacial_witch, 2010-07-04 09:09 pm (UTC)(Expand)
(no subject) - psychic_wonder, 2010-07-05 06:27 pm (UTC)(Expand)
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