The Journal of Sam Winchester

(not Sammy)


i'm not going to cry, i'm asking not to be hurt
Sam Winchester psychic_wonder
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Peter and Sam's Apartment, NYC, Wednesday Afternoon
It had started at school.

When one of Sam's professors stopped showing up for class, he thought maybe the guy had gotten sick, until he went to Student Services and was told that his class wasn't in the system, and that there was no professor at the school with that name. Then, some of his study group emails began bouncing back, and that was right around the time that Dean began calling him asking about hunts they'd been on as kids, fighting monsters that Bobby insisted weren't real.

Then things started disappearing. No one else seemed to think it was strange that there was a hole in the middle of the country where Kansas was supposed to be, and Sam was pretty sure that a bunch of state capitals weren't what he remembered from school. It was different where Dean was - whole countries had gone missing from maps, enough that even Dean, whose geography skills didn't stretch much past the continental US, knew things didn't look right anymore.

Then, today, Sam had come back from his last classes of the week to two voicemails: one from Zoe, asking with an almost odd sense of calm if he knew a good reason why John's cellphone had been disconnected, and one from Dean, yelling about a dark, empty cloud before the message cut short.

Now, Sam was curled up on the couch, with Scout's head in his lap, dialing Dean's number for a time that was well within double digits. He didn't know whose voice was on the recorded message of "The number you have dialed is no longer in service," but he hated them a hell of a lot right now. It was pretty much all he had at the moment.

[For the boyfriend, and any calls or emails!]

It had been a long day at work, made even longer by things disappearing that weren't supposed to go anywhere - records, co-workers, locations. Peter was glad to get home, both because Sam had correctly identified it in the narrative as belonging to both of them it was home, and because it was nice to see that the apartment and Sam were still there.

"Hey," Peter said as he walked in. He noticed the look on Sam's face. "What happened?"

Sam glanced up at Peter, in the middle of dialing again, and for a moment, he was tempted to say nothing was wrong and give Peter at least a few minutes of peace at home. But, he knew how well that would go over, so he set his phone down and scratched behind Scout's ears instead. "Zoe can't get a hold of Dad," he said. "And Dean's not answering his phone."

Peter immediately went to sit by Sam. "Maybe it's nothing. Maybe the phones are just being weird."

"Maybe Dad's phone is being weird," Sam said weakly, "but I got a message from Dean. He...he said everything was disappearing, and there was a dark cloud approaching, and he managed to get out a goodbye before the message cut off, which I guess is something, but--"

Yeah that didn't sound good. "Want me to try to go to him?"

Because inter-dimensional teleporting when you didn't even know what you were aiming for was such a smart idea. In other words, exactly the kind of thing Peter would think was reasonable.

"No! Don't you dare," Sam said quickly, grabbing Peter's arm like that would make him stop. "If Dean really is gone--you can't go anywhere. I can't lose you too."

That was certainly one way to get Peter to stay put. "Okay, it's okay. I'm right here. You don't go anywhere either, long as we're on the subject."

"I don't intend on it, trust me," Sam said, scooting closer. "More students are disappearing, and I think some of the buildings on campus are gone too. don't know what's happening, and I don't know where else to research. I'm coming up dry."

Peter moved to put his arm around Sam. "I talked to Isabel. It's not just here. Nobody in Fandom knows what's causing it."

"That would explain why Zoe sounded like she already knew why Dad's phone isn't connecting when she called me." Sam frowned, leaning against Peter. "Among the frothing anger and threats of violence on Twitter, it seems like Fandom is where people are headed," he said lightly.

Peter hugged Sam closer. At least this he could do. "That's what she said. That the best way for us to help would be to get there."

Sam bit his lip softly, giving Peter a nervous look. "Do you want to go? I mean, I have faith that this whole thing is gonna get fixed, but if it doesn't--I mean, there's only so many times things can work out well for us, you know? If things don't turn out okay this time, and we're stuck in Fandom...my family is there, but yours isn't." Maybe they could convince them to come along, but getting Angela to do something she wasn't fond of doing was impossible.

"I want to go," Peter said. He'd had plenty of time to think about it since his conversation with Isabel. "Besides, there's no guarantee that one place is better than another. Nathan's going to stay here and watch things."

The thought of losing Nathan worried Sam, but he couldn't deny the relief he felt at knowing that Peter wanted to go. "I just want to be with you," he admitted. "Wherever we end up. I want to go to Fandom too, but if you change your mind, I'll come back with you, as long as it means we're together."

"For the record, that's one of the reasons why I love you," Peter told him.

"I like that it's one of the reasons, like there's a lot," Sam said, smiling softly before kissing Peter on the cheek. "Do you think you could teleport us, or do you want to try going by portal?"

"Teleport," Peter said. "Isabel said portals are too screwy."

Isabel also said that teleporters had problems of their own when going to Fandom, but Peter could heal and thus felt no need to mention it.

"Yeah, I was going to suggest teleporting too, 'cause it seems like the portals are nothing but frustration." He didn't know about the teleporter problems, but he completely trusted Peter to get them both to the island in one piece. "I didn't want to make it sound like you had to though, if you didn't want to."

"I want to," Peter promised. He leaned up to press a kiss to Sam's forehead. "Wanna get started packing?"

Sam let himself rest against Peter for one more quiet moment before nodding. "Yeah, let's go," he said. They could relax, maybe, once they were in Fandom.

Dinah sent Sam a text:

Hey, Ex-Hubby. Call me to let me know you're okay?

Sam smiled softly at the phone, and dialed Dinah's number. It was nice to know she was still out there, at least.

"Hey, Sam." Dinah smiled when she got the call back, a knot in her chest loosening. "Have you been keeping up with the news out of Fandom?"

"Unfortunately, the news out of Fandom is news here too," he said. "Assuming you mean stuff disappearing."

"Yeah, that. Darnit. I was hoping it would pass you by." Dinah made a face. "We've had more than a few people go missing here. And Tahiti." She tried to keep her voice even. "And, uh. Priestly. And Jak, the one I used to date."

"Dean's gone," Sam said, somehow managing to get the words out past the ache in his stomach. "My dad too. Peter and I are heading to Fandom soon. I don't know how much longer New York is going to hold out."

"Oh God, Sam--" They were so close, and Dinah had always liked Dean, respected their dad. "I'm sorry." She swallowed past her own worry. "I'm trying to get tickets for my family. It's uphill work. This just *had* to happen around the holidays, didn't it?"

Sam had nearly forgotten that it was almost Thanksgiving, and that just made him think of Dean and pie and that was a train of thought he just couldn't ride right now. "I hope you can all get there. I need my boyfriend and my ex-wife to be safe," he said, trying to joke to make himself feel better.

"Me too," Dinah whispered. "I'm trying to get about ten tickets-- family and friends. Any way I can." She sighed. "I'll feel better when I know you and Peter are in Fandom too. Did Dean... was there a message?"

"I really hope you get to Fandom soon, 'cause losing people has been hard enough already. Yeah, there was a message," Sam said quietly. "He said everything was disappearing, and there was some kind of dark, empty cloud bearing down on him. He...he said all kinds of cheesy things about what a good brother I am and how proud he is of me." He got quiet for a moment before adding, "If we don't fix this, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Dinah wiped at her eyes. Her skin was getting raw around the eyelids. "We will fix it. We know it's happening, we can see it. It won't sneak up on us." She took a breath. "We know people who can time travel, we know people who know magic-- there's got to be a way. We'll find it, Sam."

"I know. I keep telling myself that," Sam said, hoping his current bout of sniffling wouldn't transfer over the phone. "If you come to Fandom soon, maybe we can celebrate Thanksgiving together. That'd be pretty cool."

"It would," Dinah agreed, trying not to sniffle herself. "I hope I can make it there that fast. I'm trying to get tickets for my sisters, and Alfred, and ... anyway, I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Okay, good. I'll see you when you get to town then." He didn't add the hopefully. He figured that part went unspoken.

"Hug Peter for me. And kiss him for you," Dinah couldn't resist adding.

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