The Journal of Sam Winchester

(not Sammy)


i'm making an innocent face, i'm sticking my tongue out
Sam Winchester psychic_wonder
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The Beach, Monday Evening
It was a little strange to be back on the beach again this evening. When the town had come back, Peter and Sam had reappeared right where the darkness had taken them on the shore, and while most of Sam's evening had been spent getting yelled at by Zoe - when she wasn't squeezing him in a deathgrip hug - he'd still had time to think about what had happened to Peter, and how he'd reacted in turn. There were a dozen places on the island he could have brought Peter to for this talk, but the beach had always had kind of a special significance for them, and the sound of the waves had calming potential. This conversation was going to be difficult, and Sam figured he could use all the help he could get.

[For that other guy in the post!]

Peter could sympathize with Sam. After all, he'd spent most of his time having Nathan yell at him over the phone. Peter would've protested, but it was nice to hear Nathan's voice, all things considered.

A quiet walk on the beach just him and Sam sounded like a perfectly relaxing thing to do. Which just went to show on being taken by Nothing while on a beach has the same lasting impact to Peter's sense of self-preservation that everything else did. Which was to say, none at all.

"I'm amazed Zoe let you out of her sight," Peter said, but it was with happiness that Sam had a step-mom who was so caring.

"I promised that if we didn't come back this time, she could kick my ass," Sam said. Plus, Zoe had seemed to understand that Sam really needed to be alone with Peter, and not just in his bedroom at the house. "Thanks for coming with me. I'm sorry if it's a little cold."

"Just more reason to get close to my boyfriend," Peter said, moving to bump his hip into Sam in a friendly way. "Plus it's nice to hear the ocean for a change and not Nathan's latest threat to find some way to tie me down in one place."

Sam opened his mouth to tease Peter about tying down being his job, but he stayed quiet and reached over to try to grab Peter's hand instead. "He just wants you to be safe. I understand that feeling."

Peter gave Sam's hand a squeeze. "Yeah, well, same for you, okay? I want you safe too, much as you can be."

"Maybe we should avoid the scary black clouds next time then, huh?" Sam said, laughing softly for a moment before giving Peter's hand a squeeze as well. "I wanted to talk to you about that, kind of. I mean, that's why I asked you to come out here."

"Avoiding scary black clouds?" Peter asked. "Does that mean no more walking in thunderstorms, because those are kind of romantic."

"No, that's not what I meant," Sam said with a smile. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, ever since Dean disappeared. Actually, I've been thinking about things for a lot longer than that, but I've really spent a lot of time thinking lately."

Sam doing some thinking was probably a good warning sign for Peter by now.

Since Sam was one of the smartest guys Peter knew, he figured Sam thinking was a good thing. That didn't mean Peter could guess what Sam was thinking about.

"You want to spend more time with Dean?"

The fact that that idea caught Sam by surprise really only strengthened the thoughts he'd been having.

"No. I mean, yeah, I want to spend some time with him to make sure he's really okay, but I've got a whole winter break coming up to do that and I was hoping I could drag his ass to New York for the holidays or something but...that's not what I meant. It's not what I'm getting at."

"He can stay with us if you want," Peter said. After all, not like Dean would be having sleepovers with Nathan anytime soon.

Sam smiled softly, because of course Peter would offer that. "I'd like that, if you don't mind. I promise, I'll even stop him from eating all of our food," he said. "But that's not really what I've been thinking about. I've mostly been thinking about us."

Well now Peter was out of guesses. "Hopefully good thoughts?"

Sam smiled nervously and nodded, and took a deep breath.

"I've been thinking a lot about how much you mean to me, because you've always been one of the most important people in my life, even before we were dating, when we were just best friends. But over the past year and a half, I've just...I mean, you've totally made me a part of your life. You got an apartment 'cause you knew I'd like it, and you walk Scout when I'm drowning in homework, and you buy my favorite foods even when you don't eat some of them, and you're willing to let Dean stay with us even when you know that means Nathan can't come within 50 feet of the apartment while he's here and...no one's ever done that for me before except for Dean. I never, ever thought anyone would mean as much to me as Dean does, but you do...and that's kind of scary."

Peter wasn't expecting that reply, but he certainly didn't mind hearing it.

"I love you too," Peter said, since that summed up all of his feelings and agreement in just a few words.

"Oh, that's good to hear," Sam said, laughing, "'cause I've been trying to deal with how much I love you lately. When Dean disappeared, I just thanked God that I still had you, and then I started feeling guilty because how could I ever be willing to lose Dean, you know? But the thing is, when it comes down to it now, you're what matters to me the most. I mean, yeah, I wanted to come to Fandom and be with Zoe and Grace so badly, and I'm glad you came with me, because if you'd said you wanted to stay with Nathan? I would have stayed. If you'd wanted to watch the world end from our apartment, I would have stayed with you. And when I saw you disappear..." Sam trailed off for a second, giving Peter's hand another squeeze. "I didn't run. I couldn't. It didn't even occur to me, because what would be the point if you weren't there?"

God, Winchesters.

"I would've understood," Peter said, but even he knew that wasn't the point. "I hope I'm not supposed to say that you shouldn't love me like that because it's not gonna happen. I love you and don't want to be without you. I mean I understand when there needs to be time apart, but I want you back when it's done."

"You're right, that's not what I want you to say. I want you to say you'll marry me."

After all the babbling, it seemed weird to just blurt it out like that, but Sam was so nervous that finding a smoother way to ask just wasn't going to happen.

"I was going to ask on our anniversary, but I chickened out, and then I was going to wait until your birthday, but I had already started chickening out again before the world started to end and now I just...wanted to ask in case the world decides to start ending again tomorrow or something."

Okay, Peter definitely wasn't expecting that question. "I - what?"

Sam wasn't sure whether to take the question as confusion, or as Peter wanting to say no. "Will you marry me?" he asked, hoping the proper phrasing would help.

A slow smile spread across Peter's face. "You're actually asking m? Like for real?"

Peter's smile was reassuring, and it made Sam smile back. "I love you, and I want to be with you more than anything. Yes, I'm asking you for real."

"Like forever?" Peter asked. "Where we're partners and we both get a say in what happens to us?"

Sam had a feeling that partner thing was going to come up in a vow somewhere at some point, but if that's what it took... "I was certainly hoping for forever, if you're up for that too. And I promise, I will work on letting you in completely. You can make me take an oath to that and everything."

Sam's instincts were pretty apt. Peter had been raised in a family of lawyers after all. But Peter had heard enough that he felt confident he could step closer to Sam and say, "Then yes. I will."

Sam broke into a grin, and squeezed Peter's hand again, all the nervousness gone from his face. "Really? You will?"

"Damn right I will," Peter replied. He grinned up at Sam as the impact of what had just happened started to hit him. "You're going to be my husband. Wow."

"And you're going to be mine. I mean, I knew that was what was going to happen if you said yes, but...yeah, wow," Sam said, slipping an arm around Peter to lean down and kiss him. "I love you so much."

Peter loved Sam too, but since sentiments like that could be expressed with a kiss - or several - Peter decided to respond that way.

Kissing was a perfectly appropriate response, Sam thought, and Peter deserved all the kisses Sam could give him right now.

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